A good enough mother
by Andrea West
“I’m not a good enough mother.” That was the narrative that had been running through my subconscious, a nagging thread that threatened to untangle and expose me at any minute. When I felt all eyes looking at me as I wavered on how to correct my child in public, when I let loose and yelled at my sons for the persistent tattling, whining, and complaining that seemed to fill our day, when my kids saw me for who I really was and called out every blindspot I had not seen myself (Why yes, I am controlling, I do act different in public sometimes, I do raise my voice too much, I am too tired to play, I would rather clean my house than sit with you right now, I am on my phone too much…), or when fear woke me up, engulfing me with the sure fact that I was irrevocably messing up my kids.
I finally laid it all out before the Lord. “I’m just not good enough at this.” Before the words were even out, a soft reply came, “No, you’re not… but I’m a good enough Father.” A pressure that I had not fully realized the weight of lifted off me, that nagging thread that threatened to unwind was cut. I was not good enough! I was not good enough! Thank God, I was not good enough! What a sweet release!
Could I imagine the limited life my sons would live if I was good enough? Their Father will produce in them purpose and life that I don’t want to dirty with my limited vision and my limited ways. He will release in them His unlimited love, His unlimited vision, and His unlimited purpose. I will fail and make mistakes with my children, but my God never will. My children are His, and He is a more than good enough Father to them!
You see, fear is a cruel taskmaster. It imposes such a harsh workload on us, the standard of which can never be quite met. It’s a deceptive dictator - it lifts us up just to mock us when we fall... and fall, we will. It draws us away from joy, and instead of a trail of grace, it leaves a trail of torment (1 John 4:18). We are not good enough, so let’s draw near to the One that is - the One who has the victory and gets all the glory (1 Cor. 15:57). Let’s let His grace abound more where sin abounds in us (Rom. 5:20), and let Him fill up our failures with His success.